How to Be Happy

hello.
how do I put this...
*sigh*
. . .
look, you can't just be happy. There is no "How To" on just being happy.

My mind keeps wandering to Jonathon Ellis. He comitted suicide last night, and even though I didn't know him, I still feel...sad. Depressed. I am still grieving. I'm still grieving. In still grieving over the suicides from two years ago and the chain reaction; that chain reaction that set something off inside me. Its the same reaction I feel when I think of Jaiden.

When I think of her, and her cuts, and how she is still cutting even though she said she wouldn't, and her blood flowing from her wrists on to the grimy bathroom floor

The same reaction I feel when I think of how happy she seemed over spring break.

Because the kids who seem the happiest are often the ones that cry themselves to sleep every night.

Because Johnathon seemed happy, and everyone said he was always smiling. Because he killed himself last night. Because you can't just BE HAPPY. You have to find it.