Sunday, April 27, 2014

SLAM

So I went to SFYS on thursday night, and I wrote down some lines that I really liked. I'm (sorry I don't have the names of who said these, but everyone who presented was great)

"Crescent moon stories are better than no stories"

"Why do I feel claustrophobic in my own skin"

"Nothing is promised in life except for death"

"Nothing will haunt you more than letting yourself die"

"Caged birds don't sing"

"Broken things are never truly fixed"

"God had you in mind when he created the songbirds"

Kenzie Peterson-every line of hers gave me new goosebumps

How to Be Happy

hello.
how do I put this...
*sigh*
. . .
look, you can't just be happy. There is no "How To" on just being happy.

My mind keeps wandering to Jonathon Ellis. He comitted suicide last night, and even though I didn't know him, I still feel...sad. Depressed. I am still grieving. I'm still grieving. In still grieving over the suicides from two years ago and the chain reaction; that chain reaction that set something off inside me. Its the same reaction I feel when I think of Jaiden.

When I think of her, and her cuts, and how she is still cutting even though she said she wouldn't, and her blood flowing from her wrists on to the grimy bathroom floor

The same reaction I feel when I think of how happy she seemed over spring break.

Because the kids who seem the happiest are often the ones that cry themselves to sleep every night.

Because Johnathon seemed happy, and everyone said he was always smiling. Because he killed himself last night. Because you can't just BE HAPPY. You have to find it. 

Sunday, April 20, 2014

THINGS THAT MAKE ME JEALOUS

THE LOVE FROM THE NOTEBOOK
BEING A TWIN
LIVING IN CARLSBAD
OTHER PEOPLE'S ARTWORK
SURFERS
HOW BEING KIND COMES SO EASILY TO MY SISTER AND NOT TO ME
PATIENCE
A TURTLE NAMED SHELLY
PARIS
OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOG POSTS (AHHEM DICK TIDROW, ESTHER GREENEWOOD, AND THE DEVESTATION DIARIES)
MY MOMS COOKING-I WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS HER
THE GIRLS SOCCOR TEAM...I SHOULD'VE TRIED OUT
PEOPLE WITH PET DOGS
HOW NELSON IS SO FUNNY
HEAVY SLEEPERS


A fat man sat on me


jealousy

The Rider
By: Naomi Shihab Nye
(East 7)

This poem was really simple, but its still worth reading. The beginning starts out,

" a boy told me if he roller-skated fast enough, his loneliness couldn't catch up to him, the best reason I ever heard for trying to be a champion."

This whole part made me jealous. It just really stood out to me. Maybe its because I find myself saying the same thing,. But I've never thought of myself as a champion. So then I was thinking about champions, and how we usually root for the one we like the best, because maybe we have the most in common.

She goes on to say, " what I wonder tonight pedaling hard down king William street is if it translates to bicycles"

we are all trying to escape something, whether its loneliness, abandonment, maybe even graduation? We all have something that we are running away from.

At the end she wrote, "a victory! To leave your loneliness panting behind you..."

This is like that moment when you are finally free. When you have finally moved on or left it behind, or forgotten.

and it is a victory.



"mom..."
"honey, just be yourself"
"but that's hard to do..."

I can't be myself when everyone around me is constantly changing into someone I don't even recognize.

I am standing on a patch of ice, and the ice is starting to melt. The ice around me keep breaking off and sailing away, floating farther and farther across the sea. The only piece of ice I recognize is the one I am standing on. But even that is uneven ground, and I'm not sure I can keep my balance much longer.

I don't know who to trust anymore. Who was once my good friend is now stabbing backs and ruining relationships. My cousin, who was always so strong has broken, and is now watching her blood flow from her wrists to the bathroom floor. I am back on the ice and I have fallen. I can't think straight. Who am i who am i who am i. Everyones lives are falling apart when mine is just beginning and I feel like I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't how to act. I don't know why i am pretending to be so confident when really I am so confused.

But then I look up and I see the moon. It is constant. At least for tonight.